He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
