dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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