he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
