yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
