I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
