are you so shy because you have an std?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
