Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize
