One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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