there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
