i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
