Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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