i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
