right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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