haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
