Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
