Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
