Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
