I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
