Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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