is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
