Don't you send me to vm
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
