i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
