I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it glows. i had to have it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
