Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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