It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
