Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
