Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize