Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
