There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
