he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You dont lie about slip and slides
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When are your genitals available?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
