there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
