Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
