so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
