I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
