About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Operation Purity has been aborted
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
