I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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