i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
