you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
