Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
