apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
