I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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