Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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