its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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