quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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