I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
