I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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