she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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