I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my shit smells like andre
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
