The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
