If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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