i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
