Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
