Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
