never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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