I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
