brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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