Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
