Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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