i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
