Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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