Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
