Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I love you.
Bad choice
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
