I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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