He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize