You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
