Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
